Tag Archive | health

Full Circle

As I write this, I’m enjoying a grande half-caff, chestnut-praline latte. My first order ever from Starbucks!! What has that got to do with anything in this post? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Well, just that I’m enjoying being able to take care of myself.

I’ve taken the last four months off from my grad program to recharge my batteries and get a renewed zest for my life. And I must say that aside from the first month thinking, “What am I going to DO with all this free time?” I soon found some projects that I’d been meaning to accomplish – crocheting for Christmas presents, for one – and have been busily doing that, plus tending to my family’s needs. (I might save that for a later post.)

Today, I have 31days of freedom left, 31 days to do what I like when I like (aside from my job, that is.) And in the last week, so much has happened that has both floored and elated me that I am still reeling from it all.

You see, my oldest daughter has been trying to do some upgrading of her GED so she can go to university. A week or so ago, she sat with someone in the Registrar’s office of the local university and realized that she could “ladder in” to the program she wants to take by taking a couple of courses as an unclassified student and then taking some upgrading courses they have available for people to prepare for degrees in the sciences and mathematics. She wants to get a Bachelor of Science with a major in Kinesiology. A perfect fit!!

What’s more, she can start in January 2018. So she starts her university class(es) on January 3, and I resume my program on January 10. So weird! So wonderful!

There’s more. She is physically disabled and she has PTSD as well as other psychological disorders, so she went to see Student Services yesterday with photocopies of her diagnoses from her medical file, taking her dad along for moral support while I was at work. By the end of that appointment, she had forms for student loans, a signed agreement to provide ergonomic seating, a note-taker if she needs one, a computer with voice-recognition software if she needs it, a disabled parking pass, and much, much more – all in the space of that one appointment. Essentially, that one hour alleviated every single fear she had about going back to school: absences due to sickness, inability to take notes due to her fibromyalgia, etc. What a relief to know that they have that (and more) covered!

A Water Drop Splash by Mister GC at freedigitalphotos.net

Photo “A Water Drop Splash” by Mister GC at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Monday, she sits down with her contact in the Registrar’s office and hammers out the course(s) she will be taking. Everyone has been so respectful and accommodating to her – and she has felt so comfortable with these people that she has taken the lead in the conversations rather than letting one of us be her mouthpiece, as she has typically done with people in authority (especially doctors). Words can’t express how proud I am of her, how far she has come, and how she has faced her monsters and is starting to move forward with her life.

I know that she will blossom in the academic environment.  There is no doubt in my mind she will excel.

What’s more, there is a possibility that I will be doing my practicum on campus in September 2018… Is that surreal or what?  So, if she wants to, we can have our lunches together at the cafeteria. 🙂

But – back to January 2018. I will be taking a Family Therapy course and I am looking forward (not dreading) the return to the academic routine – a testimony to my need for a break and to the fact that I have now recharged my own personal resources to the point where I can dive in to my studies again! Once I get into classes again (online of course), I will be able to contact the fellow with whom I’ve been corresponding about the September practicum.  At the same time, I’ve been in conversations with Labour Relations at my job to see whether I can take an 11-month leave of absence so that I can not only do my practicum but also take my culminating course afterward, which will require a lot of hours a week to complete.

Yes, there is a lot happening, even though nothing is happening. I feel like I’m starting all over again (hence the title, Full Circle) but this time, with my feet under me and a clear path ahead. Plus, while I’m doing the most important part of my own learning (the practicum) my daughter will be embarking on her academic journey too, in that she will be able to launch herself into her chosen program around that time – another circle just starting.

Exciting stuff. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead. 😀

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Solar Powered

It has been almost two months since I finished my Group Counselling course.  I managed to facilitate my mock group session (see last post) and do well in the course; I maintained my 4.0 GPA. 😀

And now I get to do something that I have not done for what seems like a very long time – I get to take a few months off.  I have already registered for my January 2018 course, but until Christmas, there are no courses that I need which are currently being offered. So … for the first time in four years, I get to take a break!

That’s good, because I was starting to feel kind of draggy. You know, like WALL*E when his battery was low in the Disney Pixar flick from 2008. I was pretty much spent at the end of a day: I fell into bed and awoke tired, and life was into a routine of work, eat, homework and sleep with no room for looking after me or spending time with friends.

Since beginning this term with no schoolwork, I have been able to do things I had put on hold for a while. I have put in the occasional bit of overtime at work, and spent more time cooking / baking and crocheting, activities which have been on hiatus for a while. I also have more time for blogging – which I love doing! And fairly soon, I will be able to get back into a bit more physical activity, which I got away from after my surgery in January of this year.

And yes, I have spent more time in the sun this past summer, beginning back in July when I was in Calgary, and continuing all summer long here. What a treat to feel that warm sun and drink in the beauty of the birds and the flowers from the safety of our deck! Winter lasts such a short time where I live, so I really have made a deliberate effort to enjoy those simple pleasures.

I have had the opportunity to reflect on my scholastic journey and plan for the upcoming months. In less than a year, if all goes as planned, I will have started my counselling practicum at a local counselling centre – I haven’t finalized which one yet – and will hopefully be able to focus solely on that instead of dividing my time between that and my job.

With a start, I realized that there is less school in front of me than behind me. Counting my practicum (which spans 2 terms so it counts as 2 courses), I have five courses ahead of me (one per term, starting in January.) And there are seven behind me.

Wow.

Somehow the thought of what lies ahead doesn’t fill me with as much trepidation as it once did. I feel more prepared, more confident than I was a year ago. Part of that had to do with last term, because I was taking that Group Counselling course right alongside people who had already done their practicum! That was a big shot in the arm for me.

Sun In The Sky by graur razvan ionut at freedigitalphotos.net

Photo “Sun In The Sky” from the kind courtesy of graur razvan ionut at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Another stress reducer is the fact that there are a couple of places that have expressed an interest in having me be an “intern” or practicum student next fall. I am in touch with them and have been educating them on the requirements of my school for practicum sites, as well as the number of hours I will need to put in. I am pleased to say that there are places that welcome students… so I am starting to look forward to rolling up my sleeves when the time comes. 🙂

My family has been so supportive right from the beginning. They have taken up the slack, learned to cook simple meals, done housework, and freed me to pursue my schoolwork unhindered. What a great clan!

My team leader at work has been another source of support. She has opened up my eyes to the possibilities for me should I decide to return to my workplace and postpone my retirement for another few years. She has my back and is advocating for my needs with senior management. I could not ask for a better professional in my corner.

Friends and extended family have been following my progress with interest. My brother tells me almost every time we talk that he is so proud of me, that he tells people that his sister is “studying to be a psychologist” … a term which I have told him is not accurate (it’s actually a psychotherapist), but it is nice to feel that sense of pride he feels spilling over onto me. I have colleagues at work who ask me how my studies are going. At fifty-seven years of age, it has taken me quite a while to figure out what I want to be when I grow up… but this… this feels right.

I am starting to feel that not only is this break from school a solar-powered break for me, but so is the schooling itself. I am charging my batteries and preparing to enter my second lease on life, so to speak.

It feels good. 😀

Treading Water

Yes. I am surviving (see my last post.) And no, I still have not capsized. So far, so good!

At the moment, I am in Calgary Alberta, and doing the face-to-face portion of my course. In a week, I will be heading back home, but in that week, I know that I will become a better person and a better counsellor. (And yes, in Canada, that’s spelled with two Ls, haha).

This coming Tuesday, I will be facilitating a portion of one of the sessions from my 6-session program (again, see my last post). I got marks in the 90s on both the program outline and the manual (a monstrous document 25 pages long, single-spaced…. gulp!) While I am nervous about my session, and the resulting assignment that will come out of it, what I believe is most transformational about the past week is getting to know these people very well in such a short time. One of the components of our classroom time is to be able to participate as members of a counselling group facilitated by our instructors, and to spend time reflecting on what that process is like for us as future counsellors. What our prof and instructional assistant are trying to do is to model how a counsellor works in a group, working with the raw material of the things we talk about and co-constructing meaning in the midst of all of that, and getting us in touch with how we are feeling and what those feelings tell us.

You will recall that in my last post, I referred to sailing through a gale not knowing how to swim.  Well, I don’t know quite how to “swim” yet, but I have learned that I can tread water – and I won’t sink. The water is still quite choppy, but I think I can see a light in the harbour, and someone – well, several someones – have thrown me a lifeline in case I need it. I know I switched metaphors there, but you get the idea. 🙂

Having this opportunity to be away from the pressures of the office and to focus solely on my studies has been a Godsend… I have even had some time for some much-needed self-care … and to my surprise, I am learning self-compassion. Just yesterday morning, I called my mother at the hospital where she is awaiting placement in a nursing home for dementia. She still thinks she is there for “a rest” and that she will soon be going back home. While we were speaking and she was telling me that so-and-so never visits, when I know full well they go and see her at least 4 times a week, I found myself thinking that she probably tells folks that I never even call her, and that they would believe her and think I was a horrible daughter. That notion would have bothered me a lot even a few months ago. But as I thought about it, I began to understand that it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me, or what anyone thinks of me. It doesn’t even mater that 30 seconds after she hangs up the phone, she’s forgotten I even called. What matters is that I know I have brightened her day, even only ten or twenty minutes out of that day.

And that is okay. I don’t know when it started to be okay, but I know that it is – that I have grown into it in tiny increments over the last few months and finally, throughout this week, it’s like I have given myself permission to be human and not to be able to do it all or do it perfectly. (WOW.)

Does that mean I’m growing up?  I guess it does… it has taken me a while though. Oh well. That’s one more proof that I’m human, and knowing that helps me let others off the hook when they make mistakes too.

So it’s all good. I’m treading water, and I’m okay with that. Maybe by this time next week, I’ll have done a little dog-paddling. 😉

Not knowing

There has been a recurring theme in my graduate studies in counselling. I keep coming back to what my professor called a “not knowing stance” when I was at Summer Institute in 2016. Every course I take, every experience I have in this program, keeps circling me back to this one inescapable truth, a certainty that bases itself in not being certain … of anything.

When counselling, when researching, even when faced with an ethical dilemma, it all boils down to this: I don’t know.  I might think, or believe, or even suspect, but I don’t know.  I am not the expert; I am not even AN expert!  Guess who is?  The client!! The client is the expert in the room, the expert in whatever situation or problem brought them into counselling.

I am learning to take that stance, to not have my mind made up, to be curious and compassionate, to gather more information, to encourage the other person to fully be who they are and feel safe in doing so.  Does this mean that I have chosen a theoretical orientation, as psychology graduate students have been expected to do for generations? Absolutely not!  Even regarding theory, I am on the proverbial fence.  I can see good in almost all therapeutic approaches, and I think that each of them would work best in different situations for different types of people with different backgrounds.  One person might need to explore their family-of-origin dynamics, delve into their childhood issues to uncover something in them that affects today’s functioning.  Others might find more help in a short-term solution-focused approach to a specific problem. Many people respond to identifying and countering their negative thoughts with positive ones.  Still others could be looking for a way to relieve stress in the moment and would respond to a mindfulness-based thrust.

“Man Lying on Chaise Lounge” courtesy of Ambro at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Regardless of where I end up on that spectrum, or whether I just take an eclectic approach, I know one thing: I don’t know.  Not knowing has become something of a pattern, a habit, a rhythm of life for me. It doesn’t mean that I won’t be qualified to be a counsellor.  In fact, it might mean that I’m better qualified than I ever thought possible.  Not knowing will force me to ask questions, really listen to the answers, and then ask more questions. It will help me to understand my clients’ experience from their own perspective.  I won’t assume that I know about someone’s life just because it might look like they belong to this or that group; instead, I will ask them to help me understand how it is from their point of view.

This not knowing mentality has so many applications, not just in counselling but also in relationships, work, and family.  When people understand that I am not prejudging them, when they know that they are safe with me, they will feel more free to open up and share their experience.  It feels good to be with someone who accepts you unconditionally, and who creates that atmosphere of caring and respect.  I want to become that someone.

In my last post, I spoke about health issues from pre-cancer in my uterus, in addition to my brother’s colon cancer.  I am happy to report that they got all of my brother’s colon cancer, literally saving his life, and I underwent a hysterectomy in early January, saving mine.  I feel very grateful, and even more so now that my winter term is done and I got a great mark on Professional Ethics.  I have plans to practice a fair bit of self-care over the next couple of weeks, and I hope to squeeze in a visit to see my brother and my mother; it will be the first time since his surgery.

There’s a lot that is up in the air of late.  I’ve been acting as a team lead at work since October, and the employer has been conducting interviews to fill that role on a permanent basis.  So, I’m waiting for the results of that, at the same time as I am reaching almost the half-way point of my degree.  I decided to slow down my degree so that I could do my practicum in September of 2018, so I am hoping to be a little less stressed than I would have been going full bore.  And even making all these plans, I still don’t know what will happen.  All I can do is take each day as it comes, do the best I can, and keep asking questions.