Tag Archive | Counselling Psychology

In the Dark

The last few weeks has been fraught with frenetic activity: getting a vehicle, looking for an apartment out of province, applying for a criminal background check (a requirement of my practicum site), getting fingerprinted, viewing an apartment, paying a damage deposit on it, and planning to pick up the key in a couple of weeks. There are less than three months until I start my practicum placement, and it seems that there are periods of time like the one I have described above, and then there are those times when it seems like time seems to stand still, it is moving so slowly.

Meanwhile, I get requests for information that I cannot yet give. What are my hours going to be at work when I start this thing? Well, I am not sure, because I don’t know my hours at the practicum site. So I wrote an email to my practicum supervisor and am awaiting her reply to see if we can’t hammer out my hours. Part of me isn’t even sure that this internship is real – in those moments of self-doubt, I wonder if I dreamed the whole thing or if things (for some reason) might not work out. The moments are fleeting but … no less distressing for being brief.

In the dark, both literally and figuratively, is a hard place to be. I don’t like not knowing what to expect; it is quite stressful for me. And when I don’t know what is ahead, I tend to become preoccupied, which wakes me in the wee hours of the morning with obscure, random thoughts. The other morning, I woke up at 5:00 a.m. thinking, “Where am I going to put my garbage cans in the apartment?” Sighhhh.

candle-2631921_640 from Pixabay

I got this pic at Pixabay.com – check them out! Free!

So the only thing I can think to do, where the dark of uncertainty encroaches in, is to light a candle. Remember that the time might seem long, but it truly won’t be long until I am in the midst of the light of day and doing what I have been training to do for years. Really.

Things will fall into place. The night will end. The day will come. And in the meantime, I keep my candle lit… the candle of hope, the candle of perseverance, the candle of assurance that I didn’t dream this, that this is really happening, that I really will be able to do my practicum.

And with the candle lit, I can concentrate on the little details I need to take care of: homework, paperwork, and the family activities and (self-imposed or not) obligations that make life interesting, if not frantic. I can (try to) sleep. I can prioritize. I can breathe. I can survive. And when the time comes, I can shine.

Just like my candle, I can make a difference to someone else’s darkness.

 

 

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Wee Hours

As I start this post, it’s nearly 5 a.m. and I have been awake since 3:15. This happens occasionally; sometimes I get so worked up (even about good things) that I only sleep a few hours and then I’m wide awake. That’s okay – I had to empty my bladder anyway (haha).

I finally got a practicum. An honest-to-goodness this-is-really-happening practicum. I had to look outside my own province to do it, but I start in September at an agency that is quite good, with a supervisor who is absolutely fantastic. The agency also accepts my university’s policy of video recording some of my sessions so that my prof can see me in action and provide feedback.

office table and chairs from Pixabay

Neat setup for a counselling office – got this pic from the folks at Pixabay

So the last few weeks, I have been putting some other things in place to support me in my upcoming move – which involves me getting an apartment and living on my own, while tele-working part-time at my job to pay the bills – and so far I have gotten a second-hand vehicle, arranged to have furniture delivered to whatever apartment I end up getting, and scouting out neighbourhoods in that city.  A big part of that arrangement includes the support of my employer. And yesterday, after three weeks of waiting, I received word back on the tele-work proposal I had submitted, outlining how long I would be gone, and how many hours I could work, and a few other details.  Management approved it! So now I know I will be earning SOME money, and getting much-needed experience in my new chosen field. It is a good transition into a new career.

I say that like I’m perfectly calm about it. But the truth is – I can hardly believe this is happening! All those countless hours, all that money on tuition and finally, I am nearing the home stretch!

So, I guess I’m not surprised that I woke up so early this morning. I am already starting to yawn though, and that is a good sign. Good night folks … um, er…. good morning. 🙂

Spring Whispers

I thought I heard Spring whisper last week in my heart.

I was in the middle of a phone interview with a supervisor in a counselling agency out of province, and the lady and I were hitting it off. She and I both agreed that I should come and see her and her CEO, and we set up a time for the following week.

And Spring whispered, “Soon.”

Yesterday, I had finished a face-to-face interview with another site in that city, and I took a break to gather my thoughts in what for me was essentially a strange place. After I took a bite to eat, and got to the second site, I walked into a clean, bright, well-appointed office where everyone was respectful and kind. I waited in a waiting room that had reading material and activities for people of all ages. Soon, the lady I had met over the phone took me on a tour of the facility, and introduced me to a few people. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly. We went into her office and talked for an hour, with her asking me questions and me answering her, then me asking a few questions and her answering me.

The supervisor works with a specific clientele: low-income clients usually, and referrals from those who provide services to victims of crime. Just what I was looking for … seriously. I could hardly contain my enthusiasm at the thought of learning how to do trauma work with an expert to mentor me.

“Come with me,” she said finally, and she led me (after a small wait) to the CEO’s office. I sat before him. He had questions for me about my history and my education. And then he started talking about criminal record checks and paperwork.

And Spring whispered in my ear again. “Now.”

I cleared my throat and spoke. “I’m sorry to interrupt you but I have to ask you a question right now.”  He said sure, okay.  And I found myself looking him in the eye and asking him (because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t misreading him), “Are you offering me an internship here?”

He smiled and said, “Yes I am.”

The breath I had been holding in without knowing it, suddenly came out in a rush as I said, “OHHHHH good!”

Spring stopped whispering in my ear, and started chirrup-ing in my heart. That big weight I had been carrying around for weeks, the weight of timelines and uncertainty and stress … rolled off my back like a 100-pound pack and tumbled into the ditch. All I could hear was that chirrup, chirrup of the harbinger of warmer times and milder climes.

 

American Robin by mvp at freedigitalphotos.net

Photo “American Robin” courtesy of mvp at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Putting first things first

I think that I’m safe in saying that so far in my graduate program in counselling, the course for which I just submitted my final assignment earlier this evening has been the most technically difficult one so far – it was on research methodology and made it necessary for me to use something that I abhor: statistics. But … let’s not go there tonight, except to say that two weekends ago, I got a brand new book: Statistics for Dummies. And I plan to read it!

All that drama aside – there is something so satisfying about passing in a final paper. No more schoolwork for four weeks! And you can bet that I’ll be squeezing as much enjoyment out of those four weeks as possible!

The course taught me a lot of things, and not just about research design and how I am drawn to qualitative rather than quantitative research (the latter being about numbers – numbers being about statistics – and here we are back at the boogey-man again!) In the course, I worked in a small group to conduct a tiny research project over the course of the term, and the topic we chose was the relationship between burnout and self-care in online graduate students. Learning more about the factors in burnout made me re-think the pace of my education plan. (Of course, there were other reasons for re-thinking it as well!)

oil-massage-by-samuiblue-at-www-freedigitalphotos-net

Photo “Oil Massage” courtesy of samuiblue at www.freedigitalphotos.net

In fact, there were four major reasons for me deciding to turn my program from a 3.3-year program to a 4.5 year program.  The first was purely practical and self-serving: I have an opportunity to get a good practicum if I defer it to September 2018 rather than 2017.  That was the first domino, so to speak. Then I figured that if I were to defer the practicum, I could stand to slow down the pace from a  total of four courses per year (over three terms) to a schedule of three courses per year (one per term). Doing this allows me to take more electives as well, which I am enjoying the thought of doing. The pace of the online program being more manageable is reducing my stress levels and making it more possible for me to sleep at night.

My physical health is another reason why I’m slowing down my program. I believe you know that I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last May.  But after a procedure to test me for cervical and uterine cancer, and the lab finding that I have pre-cancerous cells in my uterus, I am scheduled for abdominal surgery on January 9, 2017. Yes, that’s right – a hysterectomy.  This will mean a three to six-week recovery period at home, and the less stress I pile on myself, the better my body will be able to recover.  I will be able to do my schoolwork but not much more during my recovery period – and it will be good to get away from such a hectic pace and to regroup.

One more reason I’m spreading my courses out is that there are some possible opportunities at work that I may be able to benefit from – and pushing forward on my practicum date to 2018 instead of 2017 gives me the time and space I need to explore those. That has meant that I haven’t been able to avail myself of that volunteer opportunity, at least not yet. Perhaps in time…

And finally, my brother was just diagnosed with stage one colon cancer this past month. His surgery to resect a section of bowel (major abdominal surgery) is set for around the end of December. Hopefully, with me spending a bit less time with my nose in the books, we will be able to spend a bit more time together, especially as our mother’s dementia is getting worse.

Self-care takes many forms. Sometimes it means going for a massage, a manicure, or a spa treatment. But for me lately, it means making every moment count with family and friends, looking after my health, and being able to sleep without stressing about deadlines, and it also means not falling asleep in front of the computer screen.

It means putting first things first. Prioritizing my life makes for there being more room for the important things and then, if there’s room, adding in some nice-to-haves. It means having it all, but not all at once: each thing in its own time. And it means being satisfied with what I have for as long as I have it. That’s something that I think I could get behind.

Time to breathe

It’s hard for me to believe that I’m officially into my second year of my 3.3 year program of graduate studies in counseling. This semester, I’m taking a course that many consider pivotal in the sense that it is foundational to the culminating experience of the program.  Contrary to what one might think, it’s not the practicum, but comes after the practicum: producing a publish-ready research article. The course I’m taking now is about how to do psychological research (both qualitative and quantitative studies). So this course is essential to being able to complete the final course… even though that is 2 years away!

In the midst of this course, though, I had to take some time to look after a health issue, and right now I’m recovering from a surgical procedure that needed to be done for diagnostic purposes.  It’s given me time to breathe, time to reflect and think about my school work, and about putting balance into my life: home, work, school, and hopefully volunteering.

psychologist-listening-to-patient-by-daivd-castillo-dominici-at-freedigitalphotos-net

This photo “Psychologist Listening To A Client” is provided courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Through a friend who volunteers her time, I managed to get in touch with someone who operates a not-for-profit center for young mothers at risk. The organization offers life skills instruction, low-cost baby supplies and clothing, and counseling to pregnant mothers and mothers of toddlers and young children. At this point, I am seriously considering putting in about 3 hours a week volunteering at this place, getting to know the clientele, teaching some cooking perhaps, so that I can perhaps provide some counseling to them if they need it. It will mean that I need to re-jig my hours at work, but I’m starting to see a way clear to do that. I’ve had a few discussions with the Executive Director and she has asked me to stop by.

Part of me wonders if I’m not biting off more than I can chew. However, if I am busy, perhaps I can budget my time more appropriately and ‘work smarter.’ It doesn’t sound like something that would be overwhelming. And I might get to connect with people a bit more, which could prove to be rewarding! The mentors in my program tell me that it is a good idea to get some counseling experience before I start my practicum – and since that will start in less than a year, I think that it might be good for me to get my proverbial feet wet.

Once I do that, I can tweak my professional c.v., and start casting around for a practicum site, which must be set up and approved by my university before May 1, 2017. I had a meeting last month with a local representative of the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, and she suggested some quality sites for me to look into.  So that will keep me busy the next little while, as well as my assignments in this course – and work – and family most certainly.

Even though life has been kind of closing in on me with all the extra stuff on my plate, I think that it’s just that my world is expanding so much that it only feels as though I have less mental and emotional space.  Still, I am learning to practice self-care and I plan to make it a part of the every day.  And at this moment, I am not sure exactly what form that will take! All I DO know is that I’m on my way and that the path ahead goes farther than I can see.

Meet me here

I’ve just been accepted as a student in the Masters in Counselling program at Athabasca University. There, I’ve said it. It’s REAL!

This means that I’m officially in a transition phase between my current career as a public servant and a new one as a servant of the public. I was in Yorkville University’s Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology (MACP) program from September 2013 to August 2014 – until I discovered that my province doesn’t accept degrees from Yorkville U as sufficient for a person to go into private practice.

That’s when I discovered Athabasca. My experience with this school has been wonderful ever since my first communication with them back in January of this year when I started to get my credentials together for my application.

So, due to that one-year delay, and the time difference in how long it takes to get a degree, as well as the fact that I need to continue working while I go to school, my career plans have been set back by a few years. However, I believe I’m now on the right road and that within four years, I will be a Canadian Certified Counsellor.

I’m sure that I will learn so very much in this process. Hopefully that will make me a better counsellor. 🙂