Now that my immediate future seems to be working in a certain direction, in the sense that I know where, when, and how I will be doing my practicum (Sept 2018 to April 2019), the other areas in my life, which have been clamoring for attention, are finally getting some. In the last couple of weeks, I have gone to the doctor, gotten referrals for massage and for custom-made orthotics, and have gone to a few appointments (two for massage for my aching back, and one for a fitting for custom-made insoles for my aching feet).
My physical limitations have been hampering my usual self-care options. Walking – which was great to reduce stress – has not been possible due to my feet, and doing stationery biking on a recumbent bike to stretch my feet has not been possible due to my sacro-iliac joint being compressed and therefore compromised. I am a non-swimmer so that is out (who would have the time to take lessons or go to aquacize classes anyway?) I can practice mindful breathing, but that does not help my physical problems get any better – and I am unable to do yoga because of other physical limitations.
So those factors were like walls closing in on me, and that was behind my decision to finally get something done about my back. My massage therapist told me that walking was the best way to treat my sacro-iliac issues. Which led me to want to look after those feet of mine. At least then I could walk to help my back and my stress levels. At the moment, though, every step is painful.
I got this pic on Pixabay.com!
When I went to get fitted for orthotics, my orthotist got me to walk in my bare feet while she took a video of my lower legs and feet in motion. (That hurt!) When I got back, she showed me how the arches of my feet flattened out when I walked, a side-effect of my overly flexible joints. She told me that I needed a certain type of shoe (brand name and model number as well!) and that the sheoesI was wearing were not good for my feet; even though they were quite comfortable, they were not supporting my arches at all. She took a mold of each of my feet, and showed me how high my arches are and compared that shape to how they looked when I bore my own weight – the difference was dramatic. She told me never to walk in bare feet – that if I got up in the middle of the night, to use slippers – and insisted that such footwear had to have arch supports.
My orthotics will be ready for pickup on June 22. In the meantime, I have gotten a pair of Berkenstock sandals (special sandals moulded to the contours of the normal foot) to slip on my feet for when I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night … and also for the summertime, so I don’t have to wear what essentially look like sneakers all the time. And I got the walking shoes she said I needed, and have been wearing some fairly good arch-support insoles in them. The insoles are not ideal, but over-the-counter ones never will be. Once I get my orthotics, those will go into the shoes instead of the ones I am using now. And I may need to go back there to have them adjusted in the weeks that follow – a free service built into the process of customizing my appliances to fit me.
As for whether I feel any improvement yet, it is too soon to tell; as I said, my custom-made orthotics won’t be ready for nearly four weeks. My heel’s “fat pad” (the cushion-y pad on the bottom of the heel) is thinned out, which – my orthotist told me – happens to post-menopausal women!) so walking is still painful but in a different pattern than before due to my foot being held in a slightly better position and more supported around the edge of the heel.
Part of me feels like I am learning to walk all over again. My weight feels like it is bearing down farther back on my foot, and more to the outside edge. I am taking short steps while my heel pads take time to stop feeling so bruised from the plantar fasciitis (which is the name of the condition I have: basically it means a chronic inflammation of the connecting tissues between the muscles of the bottom of the foot).
So why am I talking so much about this? Well, I have been thinking a great deal about self-care of late. And it occurred to me that practicing self-care when one is not used to it, is like having put up with that foot pain for so long that you think it’s normal – only it’s not – and then deciding that you are tired of it hurting. Then you decide to take whatever steps are necessary, even if they are baby steps – to correct the problem. And it’s hard. And it takes time and effort. And you wonder if it is even doing any good.
But it is. You have to take baby steps because to do any more would hamper your efforts, at least for now. But in doing so, you learn that it is okay to give yourself permission to go through that process and it is okay to spend the extra time it takes to start feeling better. It becomes a priority because it needs to be a priority. How in the world can I be a good counselor to someone else if I myself am stretched to the max?
To that end, today I set aside my homework and stretched out on a gravity chair and got some sun – just a few minutes. Vitamin D, yes I know – and also the sun has this amazing power to energize me, and spending time in sunshine in the fresh air, listening to the birds singing and feeling the breeze while the sun’s heat soaks into my aching body, allows me to immerse my spirit in positivity, in strength, and in an atmosphere of caring.
They may be baby steps. But they are steps nonetheless. 🙂